My Irish friend sent me an email about these joke.

 

Definition of an Irish husband:

 

He hasn’t kissed his wife for twenty years, but he

 

will kill any man who does.

 

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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.

 

Quinn thinks he’s very lucky because his own wife

 

makes him walk.

 

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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish

 

fight so often among themselves is that they’re always

 

assured of having a worthy opponent.

 

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An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that

 

whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers

 

with another question?

 

“Who told you that?” asked Paddy.

 

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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury

 

foreman came out and announced, “Not guilty.”

 

“That’s grand!” shouted Reilly. “Does that mean I can

 

keep the money?”

 

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Irish lass customer: “Could I be trying on that dress

 

in the window?”

 

Shopkeeper: “I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.”

 

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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, “Is that you I

 

hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantle piece?”

 

“No,” said himself, “but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.”

 

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Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to

 

control a wife?

 

A. A bachelor.

 

——— —————————————————-

 

Finnegin: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up

 

’til two o’clock in the morning. I can’t break her of it.

 

Keenan: What on earth is she doin’ at that time?

 

Finnegin: Waitin’ for me to come home.

 

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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital.

 

“Quick!” He said. “Send an ambulance, my wife is goin’

 

to have a baby!”

 

“Tell me, is this her first baby?” the intern asked.

 

“No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin’.”

 

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“O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave

 

you improve your wife’s appearance?”

 

“It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”

 

———— ————————————————-

 

Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all

 

night on their honeymoon waiting for their sexual

 

relations to arrive?

 

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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine

 

giving up your sex life and then once a week people

 

come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs